Chuck Norris

While doing research for a College Writing paper, I stumbled upon some Chuck Norris jokes. I also stumbled upon a list of Chuck Norris's favorite Chuck Norris jokes, so I will post those. I had never heard many of these, and all of them are very high quality, picked by the man himself. Enjoy!

~When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
~Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
~There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
~Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
~Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
~Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
~Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
~Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
~There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
~When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.
~Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
~Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
~There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.
~Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
~Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.
~Chuck Norris gave Mona Lisa that smile.
~Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
~Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost
~Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.
~Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.

Steven Colbert

So, Steven Colbert got himself a Wii. What did he do with it? Just check the video. . .

SNOW!

I live in Oregon so here, snow is a big deal. It simply doesn't snow as often as we'd all like, but this week we were graced with the fluffy white stuff so much so that I am writing this particular entry while enjoying a 2 hour delay before I have to go to school. I have two stories to tell. The first is from calculus class. We were all sitting peacefully, working on homework, when all of a sudden somebody opens the classroom door. Now, since the door was open, a person in my class had an opportunity to lean back in his chair and look out the door and down the hallway. . .

"Look at all that snow! It's snowing so hard!"

*VWOOM!* Half the class leaps out of their chairs and runs to the door. No exaggeration, we jumped up and ran. Once we got to the door and saw the snow it was only a matter of time before the inevitable happened. One brave student made a run for it, out the door and into the snow. We looked at each other nervously. Another made a break for it. After that it was everybody for themselves as we stormed from the classroom and outside into the snow. Snowballs were thrown, snowflakes were caught on tongues, it was a happy moment. Unfortunately, our teacher ran after us and made us come back in, but it was a happy escape from calculus for a little bit.

Ok, second story, this one with pictures. After school I went outside to walk home and the principle's car was parked right by the door I was exiting. Somebody had built a snowman on the hood of her car! Not a big one, just a small snowman. I found this fascinating, and began the construction of more snowmen. Soon I had a small crew of people helping me and eventually we had constructed no less than 10 small snowmen all over the principle's Mercedes Benz. We then proceeded to create a big snowman right in front of her door so that she couldn't gain entry into her car. It was all rather exciting. Snow brings out the best in people me thinks. Here are some camera phone pics of the car, not the greatest quality, but you'll get the idea!

Wii Bowling

My Wii Experience

So, Saturday and Sunday came, and went. I haven't had time to blog my experience up until now, sorry. Here it is, my version of the Wii Epic:

Saturday began with me waking up at about 9:30 am. I wandered around the house for about an hour, leisurely cleaning and picking things up for when Lacey came over. She was due to show up at about noon, but she ended up arriving at 1:45, apparently they were running late, not quite sure how they could run THAT late, but eh, it gave me time to relax and watch the U of O game (the ducks are quite poor at defense). She soon arrived and when she came inside we made our pizza. We discovered that rolling pizza dough into a circle is very difficult because it seems to like the shape it is, always reverting back to a ball no matter how hard you roll it. We managed to conquer the beast, however, and soon enough we had a quite tasty pizza ready for the eating. I put Swedish Fish on mine, it tasted quite good, but Lacey preferred the Swedish Fish separately. We watched a little tv and then started a movie but never got to finish it. Instead, we decided to start our Wii adventure at 5:00. We loaded up chairs, hot chocolate, cards, soda, sushi, books, warm clothes, and all the necessities, and headed out.

Our first stop was the mall so that I could pay off the balance on my Wii. Easy enough, no problem, all payed off. We wandered the mall and explored a little bit, and then left for WalMart. On the way to Wally World we stopped at Fred Meyer to explore, check out the Wii line, and buy some energy drinks. There were a bunch of people in line, but it was obvious that more could still join and safely get a Wii. We left Fred Meyer in favor of WalMart, and arrived at our destination shortly after leaving Freddy's.

When we got to WalMart we carted all of our stuff over to the line and sat at the end. We were number 24. After calling and going in, we were assured that there would be 26 consoles, so we could even buy one if we wanted. Alas, we were there simply for a controller, so it didn't matter. We began waiting in line at 7:00.

Line Stories

>Patrick<
So there's a kid in my clarinet section, a freshman, named Patrick. Patrick wanted a Wii too, but not having a pre-order somewhere, was forced into line waiting. He took it in stride though, and managed to get spot #1. He got in line at 9 in the morning and had been there all day. Patrick basically rocks. He came down and chatted with us for a while, kept me and Lacey entertained.

>Liz and Brady<
Soon enough, Liz (buffalo wings girl) and Brady (some other freshman) show up outside of WalMart after having done some shopping and could not believe that Patrick and I were actually in line (they had thought we were joking about doing it, shows how much they know). They chatted with us for a little bit and then took off.

>Pop Cans and Cars<
About 2 hours into our wait, the end of the line started to get slightly restless, so we developed a game. Place a popcan in the street and see if a car smashes it. At first we didn't have much success, but we developed a system after a while. Place the can such that a car turning from one row of the parking lot to another is forced to smash it due to their turning radius. We smashed 2 cans this way. We got another when a minivan lined up at one end of the parking lot and actually gunned it towards the popcan. He hit it at probably 35 mph, it was amazing.

>PS3 Guy<
At one point, a guy showed up to stand in line for the Wii, and after talking for a bit, we discovered that he had waited 38 hours for a PS3 as well. He had scored 3 of the 4 WalMart had sold, so he said he was going to sell 2 and keep one. He showed me a picture on his camera phone, he wasn't lying. He hopped in line for the Wii with a buddy, numbers 25 and 26. The line was now full. >Manager< At about 9 o'clock I went inside the store and inquired as to the availability of controllers, since that was the only reason I was there. The managers assured me that they had controllers and that they were going to go back and start looking for the huge pallete of accessories.

>Tickets<
At 10 o'clock they came out to distribute tickets. Here's what we heard:
"Alright, we're handing out tickets now. We have 20."

TWENTY?!?!?! All day you've been saying 26! Needless to say, number 21 in line was a little upset. But, the irony of it all is slightly amusing, so I'll share. His name is Ben, he goes to my high school. It was his birthday (irony #1), he was number 21 in line (irony #2) and he had also been number 5 in line for the 4 PS3's WalMart had (irony #3). All in all, it was a bad day to be Ben. They passed out the tickets and everybody after number 20 left, except for me and Lacey. By this time, Lacey is wrapped in countless numbers of warm things and trying to sleep.

They let everybody get out of line since all the tickets were out, but we had to stay on the property or in the store. We all retreated to the store to stay warm. We spent about an hour inside WalMart, hanging out with Patrick, until I found the manager again and asked about the controllers.

"Right, about the controllers, we can't find them"
The smile instantly disappeared from my face
"What?"
"Well, we can't seem to find the palette of controllers, so we aren't going to sell them tonight."
"I've been in line since 7 for controllers you guys promised me and now you aren't going to sell them?!?!"
"Nope, sorry"
"I'll help you look for them!"
"No"

AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lacey and I ditched the WalMart scene. We headed over to Fred Meyer where there were about 60 people in line for 54 consoles. Tickets were out and everybody was just waiting until midnight. I saw a bunch of people from my school there and we chatted for a bit, but ended up leaving and driving around downtown for a while just because the car was warm. We got back to Fred Meyer at about 11:45, just in time for the launch. We gave $60 to some kid that was 4th in line so that he could buy me a controller, and he did. He went in, and then came back out with a Wii and a bag full of accessories, some for me! I officially had a Wiimote. YAY! SUCK IT WALMART!

Lacey and I took off for the mall next. We arrived, walked in, picked up the system, and then left. Very anti-climactic, except for the fact that I HAD A WII! We hopped in the car and then drove to my house.

When we got home we unloaded all of our line-waiting things from the car and went inside. Lacey changed into PJ's while I set everything up. There was A LOT of plastic and tape and padding in that box, it looked like an entire family's worth of Christmas wrapping paper all over the floor. But, we waded through the foam and pushed the power button. The Wii glowed to life. It was beautiful.

In popped Wii Sports and we were off. First game on the Wii, Tennis. AMAZING! Lacey and I had a blast! Next we bowled a bit and then golfed. All were amazing! By this time it's 2:30 in the morning and Lacey is exhausted. She lays on the couch and tries to fall asleep while I sit at the end of the couch, acting as a foot rest, playing Rayman Raving Rabbids. Another amazing game. She watched for a while and eventually fell asleep. I played for about 2 hours before getting tired myself, so I just kinda shifted around on the couch and ended up falling asleep using Lacey as a pillow while holding the Wiimote. Romantic or sad? I'll let you decide. . .

At 6:30 we woke up played some bowling. Lacey kicked my butt, it wasn't even a contest. While I showered and got ready for work she played some baseball, which she said was quite fun as well. With my Wii I got an iron-on shirt decal, a temporary tattoo, and a pen, all with Wii stamped all over them. I did my iron on before heading off to work. Lacey and I got coffee at Starbucks and then my mom took her home while I spent all day at work swinging the controller around like a madman! After work I rushed to the mall, bought the guide to Zelda: Twilight Princess, and then rushed home. I got home at 6 o'clock, and Jake came over.

Jake and I played Wii boxing. Never again. Ever. I'm still sore, and I got so tired that I had to just lay on the ground. Boo! lol We also bowled a few frames and Jake got 5 strikes in a row! It was quite a feat. Soon, Greg showed up, just in time to catch some bunny shooting action in Rayman. Shortly after that, Patrick and Kehl (Patrick from the line, Kehl being another freshman in my section) came over with 2 more controllers and Red Steel. 4 player tennis and Red Steel action baby! Oh, and sorry for smacking you in the back during tennis Patrick, I got a little into it, my bad!

After our gaming session (in which Greg pwned us all at Red Steel), everybody left and I went to bed. It had been a long day.

The next day at school I wore my Wii shirt and put my temporary tattoo on my face. It was the day of the Wii. Fortunately, some of the guys outside of Fred Meyer brought two controllers to school, so during speech team we hooked up the Wii to our teacher's projector and played it on the wall. TENNIS! Our teacher got so into it, I think he may buy one. I took it to school the next day as well, hooking it up to the projector in my CAD class. We only got to play during lunch, but it was still fun!

That is the Wii epic up until this point. This blog entry is long enough, so I'll end it here. The Wii is everything it was cracked up to be, and all of the non-gamers that I let play it have all really enjoyed it, Nintendo succeeded. Lacey will be buying one and having a Wii birthday party coming up and I'm going to keep buying games and controllers. I bought an aluminum briefcase the other day to store it, so I'll let you know when that project is complete. Until later, cheerio, and I hope you buy a Wii.

MIT Wii

I will do a full coverage blog about my Wii experience (yes, I got one, yes, it's amazing) later, but right now I have something to share quickly before I go to bed.

I MUST GO TO MIT.

On the release date of the Wii, of course MIT got hacked, a DOME hack no less! Those amazing techers put a FREAKING TRIFORCE ON THE FREAKING DOME! I cried.

HA!

HA! PWNED!

SATURDAY!

This entry isn’t about something neat on the internet, sorry. Here’s the premise: I am excited for Saturday. So excited that I am writing a blog entry about how amazing Saturday is going to be, detailing all of my adventures for you. Ready? Here we go!



WORD VERSION:
The day will begin just as every Saturday begins, with me waking up and taking a shower, but instead of sweatpants and a shirt, I get to dress nicely because at noon Lacey is coming over! Yay! Lacey and I are going to watch movies, swing dance, and generally have a good time. I am going shopping tomorrow and buying all the ingredients necessary to make a pizza, so for lunch Lacey and I are going to attempt to create our own pizza, crust and all. Wish us luck! Oh, and I’m buying Swedish fish because I love them. After that we are going to head over to the mall and pay off the balance on my Wii preorder, then hot-foot it over to Wal-Mart to wait in line for their midnight launch of the Wii. We hope to get there at about 8 pm and wait. I’m only trying to get a controller, so hopefully it’s not that big of a deal, but I’ll be calling throughout the day to make sure the line doesn’t get out of control or anything. I need that controller, I really do! At midnight we will buy the controller from Wal-Mart and then head back over to the mall for their midnight release, where I have my actual system preordered. I’ll pick that up and then Lacey and I will head back to my house. Once at my house we will set up the Wii and engage in fierce competition (meaning we’ll play Wii Golf until our arms are numb). After that we leave at 6:00 am in order to get Lacey home in time for me to go to work (where I will probably be completely useless because I will be exhausted and really just wanting to go home and play Wii.) Sorry, we’re into Sunday now, but I’m going to keep going. . . . Sunday evening after work, Trevor and Jake are coming over at about 6:30. We will then Wii until 8:30, at which point they will go home and I will continue to Wii until about 11:00 at night.

In a nutshell, I won’t be sleeping this weekend, at all. It’s all about the Wii baby! And of course Lacey, wouldn’t rather have anybody else with me during these amazing times!



PICTURE VERSION:


It's All About:

and




First Stop of the Evening:



Next Stop:

Then Back To:

After Which We go Home to:

Awesome Hotel Room

In Berlin there is a hotel that has each of its rooms designed by a different artist. This is my favorite out of all of them:

It's Cell Shaded!!! It's like walking into a cartoon! There are no photo tricks, this is simply a snapshot taken of the room, amazing, huh? I would definitely stay here. . .

Senior Advisory

My College Writing Paper:

Charles A. Sprague High School is a unique school, in that it sports many attributes that are completely useless and/or ridiculous. Some of these qualities are trivial and acceptable. So what if the room numbers skip from 114 to 170 and then back again to 115? So what if the color of our water matches our walls? So what if our mascot is a Greek Olympian yet we have a Pantheon? These mere trifles are nothing if not amusing when compared to the relatively recent travesty that now graces the schedules of all Olympians, but only totally destroys the lives of the Senior Olympians. Sprague has a block schedule, which does enough to confuse students that are barely awake enough to figure out what their first period class is. Now Sprague’s schedule is so confusing that there isn’t really an accurate term to describe it! Instead of simply switching classes every day, every Tuesday all class periods are shortened and a new class is shoved unwillingly in. . .Advisory. It sounds helpful, perhaps advice is given! No.

The advisory class was designed and voted into being by a board of individuals that haven’t stepped foot into a high school in 20 years. The theory behind the advisory is to divide each class, freshmen through seniors, into small groups of about 20 and distribute them around the school and leave them in the charge of random teachers for 36 minutes. For those 36 minutes, the freshmen, sophomores, and juniors gain important knowledge about the SAT’s, scheduling, and earning requirements to graduate. The seniors, on the other hand, are handed “the folder”, full of either paperwork that we all filled out in our freshman health classes or paperwork that is completely foreign and confusing. We are then told “Go! Oh, and if you do it wrong you won’t graduate.” Do what?

“The folder”, the central focus of the advisory class, is somewhat of a curious oddity. It contains calendars, checklists, resumé building tips, and a variety of other unimportant looking documents, all of which are more colorful than the pile of vomit any senior would spew if they hear the word “CIS” or “CIM” ever again. Many of these papers look as if they could be useful, if they were needed for something other than toilet paper, but it appears that “the folder” is aimed at students that are completely helpless and will never get jobs, ever. “The folder” contains an immense amount of material and the less-than-immense amount of instructions on how to use said materials.

Teachers of the senior advisory classes are ill-prepared and uninformed. No need to beat around the bush, they simply have no idea what the seniors are supposed to be doing. They simply tell the seniors to fill out the folders.

“How?”

“I don’t know, ask Carlotta.”

“Ok,” *forgets/doesn’t care* It’s not that the teachers don’t care (perhaps), but that they were simply never told what to do. That’s fitting, create a brand new and confusing GRADUATION REQUIREMENT that nobody is qualified to administor, then punish students for not caring about material in a folder that doesn’t apply to their lives.

When the actual, physical folder is examined, one will find a series of lists, checkboxes, and blank spaces for signatures. The meaning/use of these markings is currently unknown, but many seniors believe that at one point they will need to get signatures for something. Nobody knows what the signatures mean, or if they’re part of the graduation requirement, but that’s typical in senior advisory. When one attempts to read the folder, they discover that every other word is an acronym, standing for God knows what, but still requiring a signature.

“What does ‘AJEBN’ stand for and why do I have to do it for five hours?”

“I don’t know, ask Carlotta.”

“Ok,” *forgets/doesn’t care* Of course, all of this is immaterial, because at the end of the typical senior’s 36 minutes of mind-numbing advisory hell, the folders go into a filing drawer, not to be seen again until the next week. “The folder” isn’t allowed out of the classroom, so they will never be signed, ever.

Advisor class is the epitomy of the useless Sprague attribute. It is a confusing waste of time that makes seniors almost more willing to not graduate than complete “the folder”. Should the seniors be worried about graduating? Shouldn’t they be actively researching what they need to complete “the folder”? Eh, who cares.