July 03, 2007

New World Symphony

Actually, this post has very little to do with the New World Symphony. I was just trying to think of some creative title for a dull-sounding post about what happened to me while I was going home yesterday. For those of you that aren’t classical music fans, just ignore this entire first paragraph and read on to hear about my adventures.

I got off work yesterday and had an hour to kill before I had to be at my next job, after which I could go home. I decided to be productive during my hour, so the first thing I did was to go to the bank and deposit a check. Unfortunately, the bank was closed, so I had the opportunity to experience the joy of depositing a check next to the ATM machine. It wasn’t too hard, but it surprised me when I opened up the drawer to drop the check in. I guess I was expecting a little metal flap that revealed a hole in the wall where the check dropped into a bucket, similar to any blue mailbox, video return box, or book return slot. What I got instead was a huge, 30ish pound metal vault-like drawer where I placed the 2.2 oz check and then hoped that there wasn’t a monster inside. I guess they’re afraid of somebody breaking into the bank through the depository drawer. Regardless, I successfully deposited the check. Next stop, food.

While I was walking towards the mall’s food court I glanced at the newspaper box to read the headlines. I guess I’m supposed to do this since the front of the box is glass. When I read the headline I realized that my city (Salem) is officially out of news. Yep, there is no more news in my city. Why do I say this? Check out what I saw . . .



I continued on to the mall and decided on McDonalds. Yes, I’ve seen Super Size Me. Yes, I know it’s unhealthy. Yes, I still eat there. I ordered my usual, 2 McChickens and a small fries.

After I ate my food I decided it was finally time to go to work. I started walking and made it almost all the way there. I was just crossing the train tracks in front of the carousel when, I kid you not, I was attacked by a bird.

I was just walking along, minding my own business, when I heard this evil bird sound and felt something hit me in the back of the head. I whipped around because it scared me have to death and I saw a starling fly away. These are starlings:

Starlings are worse than pigeons. They’re territorial, aggressive, dirty, and generally useless creatures.

I stared up at the starling after it had alighted on a pole. It had something in its mouth (that doesn’t really matter, just an observation). I stared at it for a little bit in disbelief and didn’t quite know what to do next. It had obviously dive bombed me, but would it do it again? Surely not, and I would look stupid backing away from the pole towards the carousel, so I turned around and just walked away, still not quite believing what had happened. *SCREACH!!!! BOOOOOOM!!!!*

It freaking hit me again! I whipped around, ducked, and yelled at it as it flew off towards the same pole. I didn’t waste any time this time, I ran away from the pole towards the safety of the carousel, muttering not-so-nice things about the starling the entire time. When I got inside my boss was just laughing, because of course he saw the entire thing.

So, I made it to work alive (barely). While I was up inside the carousel repairing one of the horses some teenagers walked in. My boss came out of his office and said that we were closed and that they’d have to leave, unless they just wanted something to drink from the vending machine. They decided on vending machine. Now, the vending machines at the carousel are kind of cool. When you buy something, instead of it just dropping down, a little platform comes up to the drink, takes it, and then moves over to the spot where you grab the drink from the machine. A lot of people are really enthralled by this and will buy multiple drinks just to see the vending machine work. People aren’t always the smartest things in the world.

Anyway, they decide to get a drink. My boss says something along the lines of “Have you seen our vending machines? They are pretty cool, watch what they do when you buy something.” A girl in the group puts in a dollar, buys a water, and watches it get delivered to the drink-taking-receptacle (honestly, think of a better way to describe it). This is when I heard, quite possibly the stupidest question ever uttered by a human being. The girl, obviously fascinated by this machine, asks my boss “Wow! Did you invent this?”

I dropped the crescent wrench and almost fell off the carousel. I couldn’t believe it! Did she sincerely think that the guy who worked at the carousel invented the vending machine that we use? Take it from me, there are such things as stupid questions. That was one of them.

There you have it, my extravagant journey home. It involved McDonalds, bank vaults, dirt, evil birds, and the stupidest question ever. Don’t you wish your days were as exciting as this?!


Bekah said...

Ok... I know you think I'm stupid, but I'm not THAT stupid... you've gotta give me at least that. And I was at the mall in Clackamas today and they had those vending machines and I was very intrigued!

José P. said...


My theory is that McChicken sandwiches are not really made of chicken, and the starling had reason to believe that you were eating its offspring. :P

(Yes, I eat at McDonald's, too.)

Anonymous said...