July 24, 2007

Big Red Button

I think it's human nature to be fascinated by the "Big Red Button." What does it do? Why is it there? Is anybody looking, could I push it?

This summer, as I've mentioned in earlier posts, I'm doing an internship at ODOT. Yesterday I went on a tour of their lab, looking at how they analyze soil, rocks, pavement, and all that exciting stuff. While wandering the rock room we walked by a machine that had a big red button. The fact that it had a big red button was cool in itself, but what the button was labeled made it blogworthy.

Yep, it's an Emo Button. So, your task is to tell me, in the comments, what does a big red Emo button do? Most creative gets a cookie (seriously, I'll mail you a cookie)


Anonymous said...

That's the one that makes the great glass elevator crash through Mr. Wonka's ceiling and into the London sky.

Paul said...

The Big Red Emo Button instantly turns you into a full-fledged raging emo. Actual side effects vary by individual, but the most common include depression; insomnia; dramatic change in taste of music, clothes, and friends; constant writing of morose, melancholy, and/or self-deprecating poetry, stories, and/or song lyrics; uncontrollable desire to wear your sister's jeans; morbid fascination with razor blades.

Pressing the Big Red Emo Button again reverses the process, but there's almost no way that'll happen that because you'll basically be too depressed to move.

Fermion said...

Hmm.. Emergency Machine Off?
Creative, aren't I?

I'm all for a recursive acronym though..

EMO Machine Occluder
=EMO Machine Occluder Machine Occluder

Truman Capps said...

If you push it, Kyle Fosdick will ever so briefly quit pestering Ms. James so that he can come over and pout at you.

Cabbage said...

A certain white kitten the size of a small kitten accidently found himself wandering in the ODOT lab. He did stuff and saw stuff.
But he saw the emo red button. He couldn't resist the temptation of clawing the button. It was like the eye of a mouse, except red and big and having an emo sign above it.
He slowly let inertia and the dot product of gravity activate the red button. The world around him seemed to shrink! and expand! No, i'm kidding, it remained utterly normal.
But, slowly the pristine white fur of the kitten slowly darkened and absorbed the electromagnetic waves that happened to be emitted in the lab. It became black and tightened around the kitten. It was so tight! aaaaaaah
That wasn't all, the kitten became emo!! omg, what a surprise. He began seeing the world as a doggy dog world. He began cutting himself, shredding his tender skin off of his now jet-black paws.
He shred and shred, and ate himself.
"But that's physically impossible!" says Willy Wonka. But it was indeed so, the kitten ate himself and all that was left was a tiny hill of black dust...

Anonymous said...